Talking to Each Other Without Understanding Much at All

My essay post at The Story Plant from mid-July touches very directly on how poorly all of us have done talking with each other about gender identity issues. For years!

We’re not doing well in general these days talking about a lot of stuff, but the gender thing is really indicative of how inadequate people’s abilities to speak and listen have become. So many of us think we know “the truth” about gender. So many speak from the side of feeling judged by others and then judging back in return. It’s kind of a weird do-loop. What is the deal with judging others without trying to understand them first?

Truly listening to each other (on all sides!) might help. I wonder, too, about the clear and obvious loss of compassion and understanding towards each other. When people react dismissively to differences of opinion and to perspectives on life that don’t line up with their own (again, on all sides!) it is not a good sign for any of us. Growing up, I was taught by my parents and other elders in my life to assume everyone is an individual and that their definition of themself is vital to be aware of if I want to understand them. These days, that mentality is not real common. The tendency to see people through superficial stereotyping has become the norm. And the ease with which we all forget that when simplistically misjudging other people can affect whole families and communities.

In part, I wrote a novel dealing with those issues. Certainly, the essay I posted at The Story Plant’s website addresses this issue more. Here’s the beginning of that. Click on The Story Plant link to read the full text. And definitely consider buying and reading my novel. Summertime is the perfect time to read good books.

Here are the lead in paragraphs to “New Perspectives on Old Failures to Communicate”:

“Our national conversation about gender identity has been an ongoing miscommunication for decades. I grew up at a time when people would beat up guys (like me) who had long hair. Girls in that era had to fight our junior high administration to be able to wear jeans to school—and for a while their shorts were only permissible under skirts. Anyone who thinks all the issues that the LGBTQ community stands for now are somehow deviant, aberrant, or regressive isn’t listening very well and likely doesn’t know our collective cultural history. What seems new and hard to deal with today is often on the way to becoming normal and obvious tomorrow.

Right now, though, our failure to communicate adequately about gender has spawned more belligerence and hostility than usual. It’s obvious that many of our problems interacting with each other are a function of the confusing, chaotic cacophony we so fondly term “social media.” Opinions on the public stage of phone and laptop screens multiply exponentially after just a few simple “Likes” or snide comments. Myths and half-truths (on all sides) get exploited or attacked ad infinitum. We know as well that certain cynical exploitative political, radio, and TV commentators make a game out of twisting reality for their own ends.”

“New Perspectives on Old Failures to Communicate” at The Story Plant website